Friday Flash No. 22 — Beauty Queen

Soda Jerking

“Hurry up, Barb!” chided Nancy. “I can’t wait for you to see this!”

Barbara checked her make-up again in the rear view mirror then stepped out of Nancy’s beautiful cherry red 1953 Chevrolet Bel Air and ran her hands nervously down her poodle skirt. The fun-loving, mischievous, and some would say (did say) floozy Nancy had been working on breaking down the “prude” Barbara by taking her out on Saturday nights to rock-and-roll dances and street drag races, sometimes even participating with her Bel Air as the anxious Barbara gripped the leather upholstery to the squealing as Nancy goosed it after the flag was dropped. Barbara wasn’t sure if it was the tires or her doing the squealing!

Nancy held open the door and impatiently pushed Barb through. Inside behind the counter, Barbara saw a line of six soda jerks, in their white hats and white shirts with black bow-ties. But there weren’t any girls, just the line of guys. Cute guys!

“Uh, where are the other contestants?” Barbara asked Nancy in confusion.

“Oh please, Barb, it’s not that kind of beauty contest, what a drag!” Nancy said, eyes rolling. “You’re the judge, not a contestant! This is a…stopcock beauty contest!” she emphasized with carnival barker flair. The judge? Stopcock, what?

“So Daddy-O, are you ready for the show?” Nancy asked the nearest guy, leaning over the counter looking at something. Then she grinned big and turned and winked at Barb, “Oh yeah, they’re on the stick all right!”

Barb was more confused than ever as Nancy took her by the elbow and ushered her around the counter where she gasped and froze! Below the waist, the six soda jerks weren’t wearing the white aprons she was expecting, in fact they weren’t wearing…anything! Not only were they not wearing anything, but their “stopcocks” were sporting woodies, sticking out hard and proud!

Barb flushed deep red as Nancy watched her, looking really jazzed! “So which one do you fancy?” asked Nancy. Barb swallowed hard. Nancy rolled her eyes again, “Oh don’t be such a wet rag, Barb!  Here.” She took Barb by the elbow again and pulled her toward the nearest “stopcock.”  “What do you think about this one?”

She didn’t know if it was possible, but Barb thought she flushed an even deeper red as she looked down at the long, veiny shaft and smooth, purple tip straining up at her. She gulped. “Nice, huh?” said Nancy, reading her expression with amusement. Then on down the line they went, judging cocks, smooth and veiny, longer and thinner, shorter and fatter. At the end, Nancy held out a blue ribbon, “Okay doll, which one gets the prize?” Barb’s eyes went back to #1. Nancy grinned, “Excellent choice! Well, you do the honors, tie on the ribbon!”

Barb’s hands trembled as she looped the ribbon under the two full balls, over the shaft and tied the ribbon around the first soda jerk’s exceptional cock, making it even more hard! “Thank you doll, now for the real award!” proclaimed Nancy with lust in her eyes. Barb thought she was going to faint as Nancy got down on her knees and started to take the prized shaft into her mouth!

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A “Male” Box! – PoJ Scavenger Hunt

I was just scouting a route from Custer to Devil’s Tower on Google Maps and spotted a road named Dick Drive in Hill View Heights, Wyoming, a “census-designated place,” population 170.  Well my dick led me to drive that route because that was just too perfect for my naughty exhibitionist drive not to check out!  Then it seemed not so perfect as the place is so small most of the gravel streets don’t even have road signs.  There was, however, a row a mail boxes along an old paved highway with their addresses stickered on for residences along Dick Drive.  Great success!  A funny named road and a scavenger hunt location for mail boxes!  Or in this case, as I saw to it, a male box!  Check!

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Wicked Wednesday Prompt #328: Someday

This topic is an overarching theme for this site.  I hit something of a midlife crisis two years ago at age 34, which may sound a bit ridiculous but for an endurance athlete, that’s getting long in the tooth!  I had just been a recreational 5-10k runner, but I’d always wanted to run a marathon and it struck me on my birthday that I was getting close to a age where I wouldn’t be able to run one competitively (at least in the sense of qualifying for Boston).  So I started training.  New Years of this year I set four goals:

  1.  Run a marathon under 3 hours and qualify for the Boston Marathon
  2. Complete a run over 100 miles
  3. Qualify for Western States lottery
  4. complete a full Ironman triathlon

I’ve accomplished #1 and have confidence of running two races, one in November and the other in December to fulfill #2 and #3.  #4 is my primary goal and it is proving difficult.

This weekend I went to Custer, South Dakota to complete a half Ironman triathlon as indicated on my post Pre-race Preparation.  I failed.

Despite the weather being in the 80s during the day, the mornings in the Black Hills were frigid as was the water.  I have a hard enough time as is doing the swim and athletes were shivering in their wetsuits.  And I have no wetsuit.  The half length was two laps and I was going numb and cramping during one, so I called it and downgraded to Olympic distance.  I was second to last on the swim and got lapped by several half length swimmers.

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Contemplating the swim

Despite that, I finished top ten in Olympic since my running is well above average and my bike is average to slightly above average.  Still, the failure stings as I have registered for the final full ironman length race of this year which is just on the 22nd of this month.  That will be the last chance I have of completing my goal for this year.  I have serious doubts about being able to finish the swim.

So that’s my someday: complete a full Ironman.  And I hope that someday is September 22nd.  Wish me luck.

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Ri-dick-ulous!

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This is my favorite “don’t take my body too seriously” photo I’ve taken yet!  I chuckle every time I look at it!  I fully realize that male genitalia are rather silly-looking at best, but sometimes that silliness can be a good thing.  I mean this pic is absolutely ridiculous with my half-chubby cock and balls flopped out little slots like a little pup sticking his snout over his paws out a car window!  It’s a rare time I actually find the ridiculousness of my penis endearing!

duckhunt_t01I had no plans for this one, I was actually on a mission to check the giant cross off the Pieces of Jade Scavenger Hunt and ran across this box hunting blind standing just off the path in a pasture!  Usually when I say I ran across something, I mean that literally as I’m usually out running to these locations with my little tripod sheathed across my back in my vest for kinky adventures.  Always be prepared!

I snapped my phone in place and set it up on the nearest fence pole and stripped down to just my socks and shoes (sand burrs all over out there).  It’s a rare luxury to find a location in the middle of nowhere with basically a nill chance of getting caught by anything but a cow and made sure to put the privacy to good use!

The box is a double and had two hard-weathered swivel desk chairs inside, but it’s meant for a sitting person, and at 6′ 4″ tall, I had to hunch over to get inside.  The gun ports were just a bit over groin height which made positioning for this very awkward.  But I tip-toed up, hunched over, thrust out, and was able to flop my cock out the holes in my best interpretation of my “gun” being locked and loaded!  I’d been running several miles already, and it’s actually hard to get hard while running, tougher to get it up with the heart rate already up!  Buy hey, it’s some extra cardio, right?

I used my trusty multiple exposure method again, and I’m actually pretty happy at how this one turned out!  I hope you can get some amusement out of it like I do!  As always, click the lips below to see more amusing, insightful, erotic and sexy photos from fantastic male and female bloggers!

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Pre-race Preparation

1. Check out the cabin.

2. Prep my bike and gear. Really get that piston pumping!

3. Relax, hydrate and watch some Men in Black. It helps to air dry after a hot shower.

4. Time to get some sleep, don’t worry about the morning.

Cornography

It’s almost harvest time here in the breadbasket region of the USA bringing with it Husker Harvest Days and The Harvest of Harmony parade.  I’m trying my hand at a poem about the agriculture area for the lifestyle prompt for Wicked Wednesday, and also included the photo for the Pieces of Jade Scavenger Hunt crops category which was the inspiration for the photo and poem.  Hope you enjoy!

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Squeeze test – Grasp and squeeze the cornstalk

If the stalk is soft and spongy, the Harvest will not come

If ripe, it will be firm and solid, healthy and strong

Tassels blush dark, turning color

Cobs start to swell

Bursting proudly out of concealing husks

Virile, exposed, displayed!

Ripe with potent seed – kernels full with milky promise

Waiting eagerly for hands of harvesting maidens

To take swollen cobs within

And spill their milky seed into fertile soil

Let the sweet Harvest begin!

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Giant Cross – PoJ Scavenger Hunt

A happy Labor Day to you American bloggers and viewers!  This day off work gave me a chance to go on a fairly good 14 mile run out in the countryside.

I live in the Bible Belt of the USA so this one wasn’t going to be difficult to cross of the Pieces of Jade Scavenger Hunt list.  Just from running around the countryside, I know of several locations where people have set up giant crosses in pastures.  Most of them are by highways with too much traffic to take a picture with, and most people would not be amused by this.

I don’t think there is anything wrong or dirty with the human body, but the Puritanical Christian tradition of these parts would strongly disagree, I’m sure.  That’s all I’m going to get into about that whole thing.  But I do know of one cross that is over a mile away from any highway, along the minimum maintenance farming and ranching paths, so I ran out there and took a quick picture.  I earnestly tried to do what I think is a respectful photo given the subject matter.  I hope you agree.

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Sinful Sunday Week 386 – Macro!

I had a difficult time thinking of something macro for this Sunday.  Then an idea hit me yesterday.  From my last Sinful Sunday post, you could tell it is Nebraska State Fair time.  I’m not a big fair/carnival kind of guy, but thinking of carnival games gave me an idea for a sexy ring toss game played with myself (in more ways than one).  Normally ring toss is played with bottles, but I decided to put the carnal in carnival and play it with my penis!

Used macro and my double exposure layer approach for some more trick photography.  Didn’t turn out quite as well as I’d hoped, but it’s also college football Saturday and I don’t have time to try a second take.  But it was fun making it, I hope I got a winner!

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For more fun click the lips below!SinfulSundayLips150

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